Life is wonderful right now. Loving so completely and being loved the same way in return is amazing. And I love our home, my current job, Fred the dog - this married life is truly beyond my wildest dreams.
So why does this make me feel... selfish?
I observe - thanks to God and my always reasonable husband I don't have to act on impulses - within myself, that I somehow can't be comfortable being comfortable. And I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing!
A bad thing: arguments for this unease being negative - I've been through more hard times than many at my age. I've been through lean years. I've served God faithfully where I was, single for years, earning less than I could have by choosing to work for His Kingdom at a Christian charity. Why shouldn't I accept blessing without drawbacks? God is good!
But, could this unease be positive - a God thing? So many people are worse off than me. How can I sit on my blessings when I could help others? Could we foster or adopt? (the potential for pain and heartache, hard work and overwhelm are vast!) Volunteer more? Then again, how can I let Mr. shoulder the burden of providing for us; volunteering feels like indulging myself too - assuaging my need to feel like I'm helping others - when I could find ways to contribute to our finances?
See the problem is, both lines of reasoning look valid to me. And I know I have this sense of unease. But which is right? What is God calling me - us - to do, if anything?